The selfie. Is there anything more annoying in the social media world? You could say pictures of ultrasounds and babies, and yes, many people despise those. You could even argue people hate political rants more than selfies, but we don’t agree.
Selfies have taken over the Internet. You can’t even log on to Facebook or Twitter or Instagram without being assaulted by the faces of every person you’ve ever met and never wanted to see again. It can all be a bit well, annoying when very photo I scroll through on Instagram is poorly filtered and looks weird, I actually just feel bad for @twitbrit77 and her followers.
Many selfies serve your vanity. You find the best light possible and show off the abs, ass, or whatever other body part is better than the others. Some use selfies to show their conspicuous consumption, from where they are vacationing to what they had for lunch. (Because if you didn’t snapchat it, you didn’t eat it.)
Before I break into some of the most annoying selfies (the ones that piss me off the most) I thought I would share some tips on taking the best selfie you can, well, because I don’t want you ending up looking like these fools.
Lets start out with Lighting, Lighting, Lighting:
You know when your makeup looks on point, but you cant get your perfect selfie to snap to all your friends letting them know your getting drunk tonight, yeah that lighting sucks. Don’t be embarrassed to turn a whole 360 degrees to find the perfect lighting because everyone does it, and if you haven’t, you’ve at least turned 180 degrees. Lighting is crucial; you can even make cheekbones appear on your face that has chubby cheeks. You know that color that’s not black and white but very saturated, making you look almost tan but not to distorted, yeah that’s the lighting you want. The lighting will make or break your selfie, I promise. Even Kim Kardashian says, “Lighting is everything.”
Not only should you be confident in your Snapchats, but also if it’s your hottest Snapchat, you better look damn confident. Confidence is key, not only in the real world, but also in the Snapchat world. When you want to show your booty off, show it off! However, with confidence comes class, so make sure you keep that in mind.
And the third thing, please check your surroundings:
Who wants to see your disgusting room filled with weird girly things? No one. And by weird girly things, I mean girls can keep some weird shit. We have tampons in random places for when we need, we have underwear that accidentally got stuck under your bed, to say the least it can get weird. Make sure your hottest Snapchat is tampon-less and only consists of you and your hotness. If your taking your picture in the mirror make sure your mirror doesn’t have “420 Friendly” or weed stickers all over it. Some people don’t like weed and will be immediately turned off by your hot Snapchat. Not only check your surroundings but check yourself. If your sending a close up photo, your eyebrows better be done, because if they are not, well your Snapchat has no chance of being hot whatsoever.
Now lets get serious. Please don’t ever post the type of seflies I am about to show you.
Is actually quite weird, on those lazy days when the addicts of the Internet just don’t feel like getting out of bed, they find the strength to lift up their phone and take a selfie. For some reason, we have this need to let people know how lazy we are in this country. “Sweat pants, hair tied, chilling with no make up on” is how can find most bed heads trying to capture the bed selfie.
I am sorry but what the actual?! Bathroom selfies are not and should not become a thing. That is so embarrassing and I almost feel embraced to be a part of the selfie community (don’t tell anyone I said that). But come on!!! What is somewhat cute about a bathroom? I mean sure you eyebrows may look good in the picture but to be honest I am just looking around the weird sink area that has toothpaste resin all over it. Come on girl, figure it out.
Selfies and bikini shots get a bad name—they’re a little cheesy, and maybe a little braggy, but the fact of the matter is, they’re a fun record of our youth, whether we’re 21 or in our mid-40s with two kids. Some of them will be bad, and thanks to digital film (and hopefully good friends), most of those will get deleted. Some of them will be just meh, and we’ll look a little BBQ-and-beer-bloated in them. If you still want to be that girl who poses in bikinis here are some tips I will leave you with.
1. A nice mirror pic from far will mask any flaws like scars or stretch marks.
2. Rocking a loose cover up that falls somewhat off the shoulder always give you a sexy look. Photos taken from afar and a little to the side are also very flattering.
3.This is what we have smart phones for. Using apps like CamWow or other cool photo effects will give your selfie a cool retro look.
4.One of the best bikini selfies is when you’re lying on your back. It makes your panzalook almost nonexistent.
When asking prior Runway Model Jessica Hart, what’s your favorite way to pose in a bikini to ensure you get a flattering picture, she answered: On my toes! It elongates my legs and uses the leg muscles which always looks better…Hips and body [should be] slightly angled; Arms should be as natural as possible, on a hip maybe or if I’m feeling into it I run my hands through my hair or play with my hair. Just things I would naturally do…I don’t know why but I always put my chin up…we have to keep our chin high to avoid shadows under our eyes [when we’re shooting on the beach]. And something about it makes me feel more confident, superior to the camera.
Basically, the key to success is to never partake in the 3 selfies I mentioned above.